Backpacks & Big Feelings: Helping Your Child Get Ready for Back to School

The backpacks are coming out. The school supplies are multiplying. The pressure to start pulling back bedtimes may be mounting. I hate to bring "back to school " vibes up in August, but avoidance will unfortunately not make this go away. The back to school transition (whether it's your child's first year, 5th year or last year of university) can

be rough. This blog post will focus on our younger years in primary school.

The good news is that your child doesn't need to feel completely confident, calm, or excited before the first day of school. In fact, a little nervousness is completely normal. Starting a new school year is a big transition. Even children who have been going to school for years are navigating changes: a new teacher, new classroom, different routines, academic expectations, friendships, and sometimes a whole new sense of independence. As parents, our instinct can be to try to make the anxiety disappear. But our goal isn't to make sure our children never feel nervous. Our goal is to help them learn:

“I can feel nervous and still do hard things.”

How to Help Your Child During the Back to School Season

Start talking about school, but don't make it the only topic

It can be tempting to spend the last few weeks of summer asking questions like:

“Are you excited for school?” “Are you nervous?” “Are you ready?”

Unfortunately, repeated questions about anxiety can sometimes make children more focused on whether they should be worried. Instead, keep school conversations casual and balanced. You might say:

“I wonder what your classroom will look like this year.”

Or:“There will probably be some things you really like about school and some things that feel tricky.”

Acknowledge and validate what they may be feeling. You might say:

.“It makes sense that you're feeling nervous. Starting something new can feel uncomfortable. And I know you can handle those uncomfortable feelings.”

This communicates something important: all kinds of feelings are allowed.

Practice the routine before the first day

Children often struggle less with a transition when the transition isn't completely new. A few days before school starts, begin gradually shifting back toward the school routine. Practice waking up, getting dressed, eating breakfast, and getting out the door. I recommend starting this slowly, setting the alarm back 15 minutes every second day or so, to help them (and maybe you) transition back to earlier wake ups.

If possible, tour the classroom before the first day. Schools may offer this in June, especially for the children entering kindergarten. Having an understanding of what to expect on the first day can help reduce nerves and anxiety.

Play With Them!

One of the best ways children prepare for new experiences isn't through a long conversation. It's through play.

Play gives children an opportunity to explore situations that may feel unfamiliar, practise new skills, and work through worries in a way that feels manageable and safe.

Play “School"

Set up a pretend classroom with stuffed animals, dolls, or family members. Don't rush to save, correct, or fix what they might play out. This allows your child to practise problem-solving without having to experience the real-life situation first.

Your child can take turns being:

• The teacher

• The student

• The parent

• The bus driver

• The principal

• The “kid who doesn't know what to do"

Practise the parts that feel hard through play. For example, a child worried about making friends:

Practise introducing yourself. “Hi, I'm Sam. Can I play too?”

Use Books to Open the Conversation

A few of my favourites to consider:

• The Invisible String by Patrice Karst

• The Color Monster Goes to School by Anna Llenas

• Miss Bindergarten Gets Ready for Kindergarten by Joseph Slate

Let them have some control and foster independence

Starting school involves a lot of things children don't get to control.

They don't choose their teacher. They don't choose their classroom. They don't decide when recess happens. They may not get to determine where they sit

That can feel overwhelming.

Look for small areas where your child can have a say.

They might choose:

• Which backpack to use

• What goes in their lunch

• Which outfit to wear on the first day

• A special note or picture to put in their backpack

• What they want to do after school

These small choices can give children a sense of agency and independence when everything else feels unfamiliar.

Expect some regression

Transitions can temporarily make children seem younger.

You may notice more:

• Clinginess

• Tears

• Irritability

• Tantrums

• Trouble falling asleep

• Complaints of stomachaches or headaches

• Difficulty separating

• Increased need for reassurance

• Changes in appetite

• More emotional outbursts after school

  
  

This doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong. Sometimes children hold themselves together all day at school and then release all those feelings once they are somewhere safe.

In other words: If your child is having big feelings at home, it may actually mean home is where they feel safe enough to feel and be vulnerable.

Final Thoughts

Your child doesn't need you to have all the answers.

They don't need you to eliminate every uncomfortable feeling.

They need you to be a safe place to land while they learn to navigate the world.

So as the school year begins, try to focus less on:

“How do I make sure my child is ready?”

and more on:

“How can I help my child know that they can handle whatever comes next?”

Because sometimes the most important thing we can give our children isn't confidence. It's confidence in their ability to cope when they don't feel confident.

And that's something worth carrying into every new school year.

If you’d like support on your child's journey, Oak & Acorn Therapy is here to help.

Visit our website to learn more and book a free consultation

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